Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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