I accidentally burped into my bong.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
