You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
is wine microwaveable?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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