as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Are we still banned from the library?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize