Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
this will be a night to untag.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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