I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
