sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
