Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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