Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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