Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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