So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
