we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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