cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
