went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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