We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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