Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
