so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Dick very happy bro
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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