so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
