Im at strip club and am horny
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
