Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize