I think i peed on brittanys purse
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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