cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
