So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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