If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
