i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
