So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
