One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
