Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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