All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
