I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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