Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
