This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
and she was petting her beer can
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize