it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
