I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
