If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
