So drunk its hurt
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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