Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
