I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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