I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
