Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
