I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Randomize