New invention idea: vibrating tampons
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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