I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
