the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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