Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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