woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
