This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
