I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
