..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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