Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
