fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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