He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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