my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
