I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
God I need to hump something, right now.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
