I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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