1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
