dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
