life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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