Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
