this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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