We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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