This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
