Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
