oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I want her autograph on my taint
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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