I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
