Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
