I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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