Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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